I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
