I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
