no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
