i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
