How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ok first of all what the fuck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
