my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Green mimosas i think yes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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