You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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