In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
