Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
