Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
