I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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