He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
