It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
