is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
