yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
