found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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