im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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