Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
