a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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