thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize