I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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