on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
