I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this is an emotional support booty call
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
