I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
