he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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