Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize