Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
