My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
