They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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