I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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