Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize