I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize