Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
