suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
