There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
