you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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