im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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