turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
