Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
