Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
