I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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