we have officially lost it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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