No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
