I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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