I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
