just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
