my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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