Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
