I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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