my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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