I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
