if you like me you must not know who I am
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
