i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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