so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
