Sry I called you an 8
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
