If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
