if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
