5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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