Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
