she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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