so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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