marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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