Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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