I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
