He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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