Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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