So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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