The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
