too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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