how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
