Yo dont text me then not text me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
