get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're a waste of cheezeits
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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