Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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