I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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