Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
