I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
