The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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