you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
