Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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