I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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